Maxie
by Rukiabi
Summary: The happy wholesome family is a lie. And the innocent smile is only a shield to hide the darkness underneath. When you're born 4 different kinds of Bi- the world can kill you. MaRe
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: All characters of Beyblade are © of Aoki Takao.

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Maxie  
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An advantage to being half is you can get the best of both worlds.

As a child, I was constantly flying back and forth between Japan and America. I lived with my Japanese father and occasionally traveled with my American mother on some of her business trips to different states of the US. I got to see so many places, eat lots of different food, and learned the dissimilarities between the two cultures. I felt like such a lucky kid. My peers at school couldn't have the same experience as me and all my Japanese friends would be in awe whenever I spoke English. Wow that boy is so cool! But that boy is so different.

I stood out in elementary school with my lanky form and attractive pale skin speckled with a few freckles. I was a natural dirty blond, dyed lighter to match the shade of my mother's. Everyone said I looked just like my mother, right down to my unnatural aqua-blue eyes. Always seemingly happy and carefree, rarely ever angry. He is clear headed, eager to help his friends and family, and shows great respect to his elders. Born into a loving family with a mother and father. Born to grasp the advantages of both his national backgrounds. People only allow themselves to see what's on the surface and they only care about their own fantasies.

It reminded me of what Miriam said the last time we walked the riverbed together.

Her laugh echoed like the ripples in the water.  
"What is it?  
"It's just your face."  
I smiled. "Is there something on my face?"  
"No. It's just the opposite."  
"Hmm."  
"When I first met you, I thought that your face looked pure. But now I see that I was blinded. There's nothing there."  
I tilted my head to the side and surreptitiously smiled. "You thought I looked innocent?"  
She laughed some more.  
"You think can fool the world, but you don't fool me. I know you're not innocent."

Girls can be so complicated and annoying. They always say things in a vague way and try to incite a reaction from you in their search for a proclamation of love. That was why we didn't make it. My being biracial, bilingual, bipolar and bisexual hadn't helped either. But she was right.

The happy wholesome family is a lie. And the innocent smile is only a shield to hide the darkness underneath. If anyone cared to see past their own assumptions, they would have easily figured out that our family was just as messed up as their own, if not more so.

I mean, how can two people from two completely different backgrounds, from opposite sides of the world truly unite and completely understand each other? We would all love to believe that love can conquer all, but it just doesn't work out that way. It was too easy for them to fall apart. With my mother abroad three quarters of the year, it was simple for my father to find a different lady to warm his bed each night. Their different cultures and attitudes towards life clashed every time they reunited for consolation. Arguments arise and feelings hurt. If it weren't for me, they would have been two separate worlds by now. But the struggle to gain custody of me caused a rip through both of them and neither of them can ever dispossess the cause of their pain.

It was all so pointless, those sleepless nights, the frustrating papers and numerous court appearances. After my mother won the fight, we moved to America and I was completely forgotten. She wallowed herself deep into her work and I never had a chance to see her. All I got were slips of paper stuck on the fridge. Dad never wrote or sent an email. Mom won't let me try contacting him. On a note she wrote to me left on the kitchen counter, she said, '… even if you try, you won't be able to reach him. He's moved.'

People thought I was always clear headed. Haha. They never thought I could be rash. That I would take all my pent up anger, sorrow, frustrations that had been building up over the nineteen years of my life into drugs, alcohol, and sex. Mom was horrified when she caught me kissing a boy in the hallway of the apartment. Of the rare occasion we actually see each other, all she can do is scream and scream at me.

What's wrong with you?  
Oh come on Mom, it's just a harmless kiss.  
It's wrong. It's... DISGUSTING.  
You are wrong and disgusting and a WHORE.

This woman is sleeping with her superior, the head honcho of the PPB Research Facility, a man who is twenty years older than her.

You are just like your father, so careless and inconsiderate! She knocks the bottle of beer out of my hand and it smashes all over the floor. I step over the glass pieces on my way to the veranda and slip out a cigarette.  
Do you hear me? I want you to clean up this mess! You-You disgusting faggot!

And so you can get the best of both worlds, but you can also get the worst.

I checked my inbox and to my surprise, I received an email from my old childhood beyblading team mate, Rei. I laugh to myself for the first time in a long time. Rei who was from a tiny rural village, who used to always write letters by snail mail, actually sent an E-mail?

Hey Maxie!

How are you? It's been a while since we talked. A lot of things have happened with me and the White Tigers.  
For one, we've all moved away from the village and are either attending a college or working. Lee is still keeping secrets.  
Gary's got a girlfriend now and Kevin is betrothed, can you believe it?  
The village has changed too. We now have electricity and internet!  
Mariah keeps asking me how you're doing but I keep having to tell her I have no idea.  
I heard that you're living in Seattle right now. Me too!  
I'm currently attending South Seattle Community College so I have a place nearby.  
Whenever you're free, you should drop a line.

-Rei

6400 13 Avenue S.W.  
Seattle, WA 78120-1598  
206-738-6624

My heart is touched. In this cruel, ugly world, somebody still remembers me.

And Rei was on my mind all night. I wondered how he had changed. The things we would talk about, and the things we would do. What kind of changes would he see in me? How would I look in his eyes now?

I still think these things as I roll a joint, but it's hard to concentrate on my fingers with all the pounding and moaning from the room next door.

One day I came home in a rush in search of my phone book. I've been helping a guy out with selling opium to both safe and dangerous clients and the one day when I needed a number, I'd left it out in the open on the coffee table. Instead of finding my phone book, I found a torn up letter from my dad.

Dad who apparently didn't care had written me a letter, lots of them. They were all torn up. Some of them littered on the ground. And there was an empty shoebox beside the garbage can. Letters of hope, letters of love. She lied to me.

I freak out. I kick the armchair. I pull at my hair (and some comes out). And I break down and cry. Sometimes this happens to me. I can be completely nonchalant one moment, and completely depressed the next. These occasionally episodes of mania can sometimes be triggered by the smallest events and taken incredibly hard.

That's why I punched her in the face when she came into the room. She screamed but I screamed. I was cursing her in Japanese, not caring if blood was endlessly running from her nose. How could they do this to me?

I think she cried out my name but I ran out of there too fast to hear properly. I was walking for a long time, to god knows where, sobbing the whole time. I must have looked ridiculous to passersby but I didn't care. It was getting late, so I seated myself onto a park bench and rocked back and forth in a ball. I hit my mom. Mom… Mommy…

I imagined when I was small and we, Mom, Dad, and myself, were still living in our house in Bay City. I would have a birthday party and all my classmates and friends would attend. My beyblading team mates would be there too! There was Tyson stuffing his face with my cake, 'Hey Tyson! Save some for me!' And Kai, being cool by staring out the window, ignoring the party. And Rei. He would have a wrapped present in his arms, waiting to give it to me.

I opened my eyes. "Rei…"

I remembered I had scribbled down his phone number and address. The place was somewhere near here.

The apartment is made of brick and is old and shabby. It's the kind where a panhandler can escape out the window, climb down the ladder and be shot in the back alley. I tried knocking on his door whilst attempting to settle my pounding heart, but no one answered. I guess he wasn't home. And he wasn't answering his phone either. What did I expect? I was coming over unannounced.

I don't know what time it is or how long I've been outside, but I'm too tired to go anywhere else. So I settle down beside his door and rest my eyes.

A moment later, or maybe hours later, I felt myself being enveloped in warmth. All of a sudden my body felt light as a feather, as if I were leaving this heavy-burdened world behind. There's a lot of movement and shuffling noises in the background. Light streaks flicker across the lids of my eyes and now I know I'm still in my sinful body.

I must have made a funny sound in my attempt to fully wake because a voice was chuckling.

"R-Rei…?"

I groggly open my eyes and just noticed that I'm lying down on a bed with the covers over me. As I was about to get up, a hand reaches out and half pats, half pushes my head back down onto the pillow.

"Hey Maxie," Rei's cool alto voice resonates.  
Just relax and rest for tonight. We can talk in the morning."  
"I'm sorry for coming over all of a sudden..." I wonder if he could see my red-rimmed eyes.  
"It's no problem. Sleep." His warm hand brushes through my hair and I feel a wave of calm and drowsiness.  
I barely respond with a 'Good night' before my consciousness fades completely.  
"Good night Max."

* * *

a/n: I despise this site's document layout and editing program. It makes all my work come out strangely spaced *seethe seethe*


	2. Part 2

a/n: Originally I had in mind to write a 2 part fanfic about Max and Rei dealing with Max's bisexual and bipolar complications. However the more I thought about how to end it, the more elaborate and lengthy the story became. The more I thought of Max and Rei as human beings, the more issues demanded to be discussed, and so it went from 2 parts to over 10 parts. I want to create a story with more round and dynamic characters, dealing with emotional and psychological human issues. I hope that by writing Maxie, I can accomplish this goal, just a little bit.  
I apologize for the incredible amount of time between each chapter release (me am poor student w/ no+little time boo hoo x_x) and I thank you all for your patience.

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Maxie - part 2  
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A mixture of clattering sounds and white light streaming through the window woke me up.  
At first I was surprised to find myself in a different bed than my own, but then I remembered the night before, an encircling warmth and Rei's resonant voice.

Rei's apartment is very small. There is only one bedroom, a bathroom with two doors that connects to the bedroom and living room, and a kitchen. And the only furnishings in the whole place are a double sized bed with a side table, a couch, and two stools by the kitchen island. Rei lived alone.

It was obvious the kitchen was his favourite spot though. Textbooks, lined paper, and pens were strewn across the counter. Rei himself was in heart of the kitchen, scrambling eggs and baking hash browns in the toaster oven.

"Oh hey, you're awake." Rei turns around with a smile. "How was your sleep?"  
"It was great." Really great. The first night I didn't have to hear my mom crying or moaning.

Rei scraped the eggs and potato onto a plate and set the food before me. "Breakfast is served!"  
"Wow, thanks Rei!" I was so hungry, I nearly choked. But the food was so good. The eggs had a mixture of chorizo sausage and tomatoes with cheddar. It was the best home cooked meal I've had in ages. Mom is a terrible cook so we always ate frozen food or ordered take-out. I explained this to Rei with an admiration and sadness I never intended.

Somehow he understood why I was there even before I told him.

"You can stay here as long as you need to."  
"Thanks Rei. Um, about last night…"  
"-Oh yeah, you phoned me right? Sorry, I was at work so I couldn't pick up."  
"That's okay. I'M sorry, I took your bed. Where did you sleep?"  
Rei's laugh rings around the room much like Miriam's. "On the couch. Don't worry about it, Max. We're friends, there's no need to be formal."

Friends who haven't seen or heard from each other in years. How could Rei be so considerate? That's a redundant question and I already know the answer.

"I have school in a couple of hours but I'll be home early today since I have nothing else after. Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?"  
"Actually, if it's not too much trouble, can we eat at home? I really like your cooking."  
Rei's eyes glow amber in the light. "No problem. I'm gonna surprise you with the best dinner you've ever tasted."

I was handed a spare key before Rei hurried to catch the bus. This way I could easily enter and leave the apartment whenever I wanted. I felt like a roommate already.  
On my way out, I twirl the key around my index finger and Rei's words in my mind.

"Stay as long as I NEED to huh?"

He had said this with such amiability. But Rei was being both generous and strict. He set the lines and wasn't going to let me lay back so easily. That was just so like him. There were plenty of times when I thought that Rei should have been the leader of the Bladebreakers.

As the leader of the White Tigers, Rei developed authority and benevolence. He is ruthless with his opponents and very loyal to his friends. He's someone you can count on to have your back when you need him.

But he doesn't know who I really am. If he knew, maybe I would lose his trust… I almost laughed out loud. What am I thinking? That's the last thing I should worry about. Besides, I'm not going to stay long. Just long enough until I can find a place for myself.

I took a long stroll along 13th Avenue, chewing on a cigarette and digging my fingers in imaginary dirt within the folds of my pockets. Going home now was something I did not intend to do. I couldn't conceive facing Mom again after my last break down. But my cell was vibrating and it was my partner calling and I had forgotten the phone book back home. Fuck. I ignore the persistent silent rings, directing my thoughts elsewhere.

Six years ago, before I had met Miriam, there were four young and vigorous boys running across the beach. They left gasps of breaths as deep as the footprints in the sand. The sun was setting and the tide was low, so two out of the four began lagging behind. The boy with the long, black braided hair turned to the blonde and pointed after the other two boys disappearing into the distance, chuckling,

'We've already finished twenty laps, but those guys just keep going.'  
The blonde laughed along. 'It's because Tyson opened his big mouth again and challenged Kai.'  
'And although Kai opposes, he always gives in the end.'  
'Whenever it comes to Tyson.'  
'Yeah.'

The black-haired boy now turned his attention to the diminishing light and kneeled down into the sand. The blonde boy followed suit.

The blonde fixated his attention to the boy beside him and saw what looked like the reflection of the sun in his eyes. But it was hard to tell because his eyes were nearly the same colour and just as intense as the golden rays. He looked like he was in deep thought.

'Hey Rei, what are you thinking?'  
'Not thinking, just missing.'  
'Missing who?'  
'Missing the village… Sensei… The White Tigers.'  
'Do you miss your mom and dad?'  
' … No, not really. I mean, I never knew them.'  
'Oh what, really? You didn't have a family?'  
'I was an orphan. Lee and Mariah's parents helped raise and take care of me, so I guess they're my actual family.'  
'I see… sorry.'  
'Don't be sorry, I was happy. I wasn't alone.'  
'I'm glad. I can't imagine growing up without my mom and my dad.'  
'Yeah. But you know, there were two things that I wanted. Two very different things.'

The waves were beginning to lap at the two boy's toes.

'I wanted to be both within the comfort of family and complete independence. Being an orphan made this possible. Because they weren't my biological family, I had more freedom to move around outside, go back to the house in odd hours, and do whatever I wanted to do. Lee and Mariah couldn't do that.'  
'So Mariah and Lee got all the loving attention from their parents. Were you ever jealous of them?'  
'Of course. But then I also felt thankful that I had that kind of freedom. Their parents wouldn't let them out of their sight for a second.'  
'It was the same with my parents. Still is, kind of.'  
'Yeah… But then my selfishness became the reason why The White Tigers and I fell apart; why Lee and Mariah got so angry with me. I expected to remain close, but I also planned to become completely independent. I wanted to be free and go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. They considered me a close family, but I just completely left them. That wasn't right.'  
'Hmm.. Are you guys okay now?'  
'Oh yeah. It took some work but we're close again. I guess what I'm saying is, it's just so hard to have two different things at the same time. You can never fully have one; you can only have half.'  
'Is having only half a bad thing?'  
'No, I don't think so…'  
'Well then it's all good. Actually it's better than good because you have two of the best halves in the world.'

The blonde met the black-haired boy's astonishment with a grin.  
From afar, a mousy brown haired boy was waving his arm and trying his best to run through the sand towards the two sitting boys.

'And you have OVER half of family comforts because Kenny counts as a nagging mother.'

This statement caused an explosion of laughter out of the both of us. The waves were up to our ankles now and the sun was half underwater. Rei stood up and held a hand out to me. But I can't remember whether I took it or not.

I stumble back in shock when a hobo swings a hand out in front of me, cutting through my daydream, and asking for change.

Holy shit what the hell was I thinking just now? I totally zoned out. That was six years ago. I said some crazy stupid stuff. Ugh. I claw through my hair. Lately it seems I'm spacing out more and more. I need some amphetamine.

Before I had known it, I had somehow walked all the way home. No, this place isn't my home. It's a nightmare. I didn't want to come back to this place. Maybe the reason why I came back is because I'm so familiar with it. When you are used to something or someplace, it's hard to see yourself with anything else. It's hard to leave.

It may be a nightmare, but I know this nightmare better than the unknown future. What's going to happen if I continue to stay with Rei?

I'm very indecisive as I pace left and right before the front doors. Should I go up? But after what happened the other night, I just can't bring myself to face her. If I see my mother with a big, black bruise on her face, I think I will cry.

Then out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadowy man, completely dressed in black on the other side of the street. I try to act indifferent, that is, until I notice the man staring at me. Great. I'm caught by one of my past clients. The last thing I want to do now is be seen in public, dealing drugs right in front of my home. And hells, I'm so clean right now.

I try leaving the area and the past client, but then I notice the man following me. What the fuck? Doesn't he get it that I don't have anything on me and that I'm not interested? But the man continues to tail me. I can see his reflection in every angled shop window that I pass.

When I sped up my pace, the man sped up with me. This is so agitating. I decide to confront the guy and tell him to his face to get lost. When I turned around, the man stopped for a moment, as if surprised by the unexpected change in my mind, before coming to stand within a foot from me.

It's hard to not make a face with this guy. His long, scraggly, unwashed beard reeks of sweat and alcohol, and his pupils are in a perpetual state of dilation. His eyes keep flickering from my freckles, to my hair, to my eyes… he's in a state of euphoric alertness. Euphoria, I wish I could be there now.

"Adam is looking for you." The man hoarsely whispers.  
My heart begins to pound harder and I'm perspiring in my palms. This guy must have just dealt business with my partner.  
He repeats 'Adam is looking for you' as I feel him beginning to invade my personal space. And then-

"What's that smell?" The man leans in closer and breaths out a disgusting stench. "You smell so…" His face all of a sudden got so close to mine and I freak out.  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

I throw my arms out into the man's chest, pushing him to the ground, and run as fast as I can back the way I came from. Past the hobo, past the dreams, past the faint smoke of my half eaten cigarette, through the panhandler's alley, up the stairs of the shabby, brick apartment, and into the one and only place I can call safe.

My bangs keep dripping water droplets onto the ground. No matter how many times I wash my hands and face, the smell of sweat, alcohol, and blood just won't go away.

Hells, I feel so dirty right now.


End file.
